Why It’s Hard Sometimes

 

It’s hard sometimes talking to those around you, talking to the people who care for you and think you are lovely. When they ask you whether you have a boyfriend, or lament at how a girl like you could possibly be single, its hard. Hard to bring together what you know about yourself – that you’re worth it, that your good the way you are – and the fear that maybe you are doing something wrong.

You try to be open to love. And you know that you are supposed to be OPEN to love. But what you don’t understand is how you’re CLOSED. You want to fall in love; it’s the only thing in the world you can think of that you want more than anything. You try to not make the same mistakes as before, and yet you end up in the same place again. So you try and get by with what you can – sustaining yourself on living vicariously through other love stories and imagining magical moments in love. But before long you find yourself in a vicious circle of expectation and then disappointment.

It’s not that you haven’t met people but you feel like a fraud when you don’t feel the way you’re supposed to. So you keep a distance and don’t give them the wrong idea about how you feel, so you don’t end up in a relationship or in a place with someone you don’t even like.

That’s why it’s hard sometimes to talk to people you know. And, why it’s hard sometimes when you’re always the one that’s alone.

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