Protected Heart

In the past I’ve protected myself against falling in love by holding a part of myself in reserve. I want the other person to go first. Once upon a time I wasn’t afraid to go first, to be the person who liked the other person more. There was a time when I was able to be brave. And then I got damaged and I wouldn’t go first anymore. So I stayed aloof, kept a part of me separate and always watched the other person for signs that would let me cut and run away. It has protected me from getting hurt again. But I think it protected me from finding real love too.

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6 Comments

  1. I know what you mean. I used to fancy people all the time, but that stopped and instead a serious case of unrequited love ambushed me. I guess it is better to be open, so that we can move on more easily. So until I settle down, I will try and fancy as many men as I can 😀

    • I think that is an excellent idea! ツ A friend likened it to the story of the three bears: the first chair was too big, the second chair was too soft, but the third chair was just right. (Yes, my friends are odd) She told me to get myself out there becasue if I don’t I’ll never find the guy who is just right for me.

  2. I’ve never been able to hold my heart in reserve, but I’m a guy so maybe it’s a wee bit different. Allowing your heart to be completely open can bring you some devastating pain and sometimes repeatedly from the same person, but with pain comes growth and more importantly, if you stay guarded, you will miss the best and most beautiful parts, experiences and feelings of the very finite lives we have.

    Take a chance, it’s worth it.

    • Words of wisdom. I really liked your comment. Staying guarded does keep one from getting hurt but you are so right in saying it also keeps one from experiencing something wonderful.

  3. i completely relate… my best friend once told me that my severe measures of self-protection might cost me the love of my life just because i am too guarded and intimidating 🙂

    but that’s the thing, the moment you let your guard down, you’re vulnerable to fear, and perhaps then pain.. and nothing really goes according to plan anyway….

    • I agree it’s best not to have any expectations. Letting our guard down is frightening and when we’ve been hurt, the last thing we want is to relive that pain. But, the walls must come down eventually or we will live a very lonely and bitter life. And that’s no way to live. No way at all.


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