Love Found

Over the past year I’ve been too stubborn, afraid of getting hurt, and unwilling to take chances. Funny how life throws a curve ball your way and it changes everything.

The idea of opening my heart to another was terrifying but after a year I was finally ready to the take on the challenge, realising the unlimited possibilites that would come from sharing my life with someone … someone who loved me back.

Lost Love

So true…

Time Changes Everything

When was the last time you really crossed my mind? I can’t remember your smile. Nor can I recall your face with perfect clarity. That cologne you used to wear, I can’t recall the smell anymore. I don’t look for your car when I’m driving and my heart doesn’t skip a beat when I do. Time has changed everything. I’ve finally moved on.

Sleepless Nights

I have been doing a lot of thinking in the recent weeks. The kind of thinking that takes place when the night is at its darkest and those thoughts seem so loud in the silence, so loud that they chase sleep away.

There is the never-ending stream of memories I would rather forget. I think about how my heart has been stretched, squeezed and popped so many times that it’s a wonder it is still beating.

I think about how everything around me is changing and sometimes all those changes are too much for the heart to handle. Sometimes it’s too easy to get lost in these thoughts.

Eventually I do fight these thoughts away, forcing myself to think of something else. But not before they’ve done their damage. 

Something

I want something to happen. Something that will make me believe again. Something that will make me want to put my heart out there again. Something that will make me want to learn to say “I love you” again.

What I Fear

I’ve spent my life feeling like someone who was on the move. An itch would get under my skin and inflame the hairs up and down my arms, tingling through the back of my neck. Little imperfections in my environment would become huge gaping holes propelling me to go, to move, to change for the sake of change. I always – always – saw an ending for me that was somewhere alone. It’s cheesy but true – my ending in my mind was always me, living alone, with a couple of cats. I wasn’t afraid of commitment … I was afraid of abandonment. Love to me was always something you left before it left you. End of story.

But my story has changed now. Life has changed that for me. Love has changed that for me.

Life is an open question now, one that I stare at a great deal – surprised that I get to have a life I never thought I would, never thought I could. Every single day is a surprise because nothing is the way I once suspected it would be.

Right now it’s about determining how to let go of how I always saw the end and allowing life to take me where I’m meant to be. With who I’m meant to be with.

Flying on Silver Wings

Something’s happening. I can feel it. I feel different roads that lead the other way.

I am moving today. Flying on silver wings to my new home, my new life, in the West. I have so many thoughts running through mind … will I find a job & how long will it take … will my cats be okay on the flight … thoughts on missing friend and family … how will I survive the terribly cold winters … lots of different thoughts. But mostly I, am excited to begin this new chapter, One Girl’s Adventures in Western Canada (non-fiction),  in my book of life.

I may not be here for a few days, depending on how long it will take to set up new Internet service. But, I’ll be back.

 Me