Christmas Song

My very favourite Christmas song has long been I’ll Be Home for Christmas. Because I was kind of raised by television, I want to say the first time I heard it was not, as you might have suspected, on the beloved John Denver and the Muppets Christmas CD, but I’m pretty sure the first time I heard it was on a commercial. Folger’s, in fact. A son in the army catches a bus home, sneaks into the house, and smiles at the tree. I’ll Be Home for Christmas is playing in the background. The very thoughtful breaking-and-entering son decides to make coffee (Folger’s, wouldn’t you know it) and the mom awakens to the beautiful smell of dissolving caffeine crystals and heads downstairs with a smile, not for a moment wondering why Mr. Theif broke in AND decided to make coffee while doing so. When mom sees the son she bursts into tears and then the beautiful I’ll Be Home for Christmas disappears into: The best part of waking up….

Still. Love the song. It’s a very simple song – short, easy lyrics, easy on the ear (especially considering it was first done by Bing Crosby in 1943, and he’s got the voice of an angel).

I’ll be home for Christmas,
You can count on me.
Please have snow and mistletoe
And presents under the tree.
Christmas Eve will find me,
Where the love light gleams.
I’ll be home for Christmas,
If only in my dreams.
Christmas Eve will find me,
Where the love light gleams.
I’ll be home for Christmas,
If only in my dreams.

Sweet. Lovely. Uplifting. This song-along with O Holy Night, which I like to pretend I can sing but can’t due to the high notes. Or I should specify – I can hit the high notes, but only if I am really, really drunk. Then I’m sure I sing like Judy Garland, if Judy Garland really was a drunk.
Oh wait.

I’ll Be Home for Christmas was a song. It was an instant coffee commercial. It was Old Blue Eyes on the radio. It was something I played on an endless loop as I had an endless parade of houses I lived in and endlessly moved from.

When I moved to Alberta I thought the “Only in my dreams” part of the song would mean I’d be dreaming of Christmas in New Brunswick. As for, the “I’ll be home for Christmas”, well that part did come true. Home just happens to be in the freezing cold of northern Canada.  Christmas arrived and there’s a big tree in the living room, there were stockings and presents and a big turkey dinner. I have a home with a wonderful husband and the cats.
This year,  I was home for Christmas. It’s as simple and as complicated as that.

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Thankful

Many of you that have been visiting here for quite sometime know I moved across the country this summer. With the move came new friends, a new love and a new job.

It is Thanksgiving weekend here in Canada, some people will celebrate today, some celebrate will tomorrow but whatever day we choose it’s the time most of us reflect on the good things we have going for us. It’s a time to look on the bright side of life and list those things for which we are thankful. While pondering my own little list, I realise I am grateful for many things in my life, too many to even begin listing. But, I will say this … I so am thankful I decided to make that move.

Happy Thanksgiving.

Love Found

Over the past year I’ve been too stubborn, afraid of getting hurt, and unwilling to take chances. Funny how life throws a curve ball your way and it changes everything.

The idea of opening my heart to another was terrifying but after a year I was finally ready to the take on the challenge, realising the unlimited possibilites that would come from sharing my life with someone … someone who loved me back.

I Am Happy

I was tired of everything. It felt like I was falling apart. I thought I had given up on love. Along with a number of events, I dug myself a hole where I seemed to lose myself in confusion.

But somehow, one night, I was found by this beautiful person, with a heart of an angel. The first night we talked uninterruptedly for hours, and we continued to talk the next day and the next and the next… we continued to talk. We spoke with words and looks and smiles.
 
He took my hand as he walked with me; I smiled all night long. Before I knew it, time passed and I am where I am today.

There’s so much more of this story but its just details. What matters is that these weeks, these months, have given me hope, a light to count on. I know for sure that my heart lies in his hands; I’m not afraid. His eyes tell me that nothing can go wrong. His heart tells me I am happiness. His words are nothing but the truth.

I know now, for sure, that there are saviours in this world. They may be rare, but they are there.

He is amazing. I am happy. 

Time Changes Everything

When was the last time you really crossed my mind? I can’t remember your smile. Nor can I recall your face with perfect clarity. That cologne you used to wear, I can’t recall the smell anymore. I don’t look for your car when I’m driving and my heart doesn’t skip a beat when I do. Time has changed everything. I’ve finally moved on.

Sleepless Nights

I have been doing a lot of thinking in the recent weeks. The kind of thinking that takes place when the night is at its darkest and those thoughts seem so loud in the silence, so loud that they chase sleep away.

There is the never-ending stream of memories I would rather forget. I think about how my heart has been stretched, squeezed and popped so many times that it’s a wonder it is still beating.

I think about how everything around me is changing and sometimes all those changes are too much for the heart to handle. Sometimes it’s too easy to get lost in these thoughts.

Eventually I do fight these thoughts away, forcing myself to think of something else. But not before they’ve done their damage. 

Something

I want something to happen. Something that will make me believe again. Something that will make me want to put my heart out there again. Something that will make me want to learn to say “I love you” again.