Time Changes Everything

When was the last time you really crossed my mind? I can’t remember your smile. Nor can I recall your face with perfect clarity. That cologne you used to wear, I can’t recall the smell anymore. I don’t look for your car when I’m driving and my heart doesn’t skip a beat when I do. Time has changed everything. I’ve finally moved on.

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Love The Little Things

There are little things about everyone that I love. Generally, I think that this makes me a better person. I try hard to appreciate something in everyone.

The part where I always get into trouble is when I actually do fall in love with someone. Sometimes I have a hard time differentiating my everyday love from my I-want-to-be-with-you-everyday love.

Sleepless Nights

I have been doing a lot of thinking in the recent weeks. The kind of thinking that takes place when the night is at its darkest and those thoughts seem so loud in the silence, so loud that they chase sleep away.

There is the never-ending stream of memories I would rather forget. I think about how my heart has been stretched, squeezed and popped so many times that it’s a wonder it is still beating.

I think about how everything around me is changing and sometimes all those changes are too much for the heart to handle. Sometimes it’s too easy to get lost in these thoughts.

Eventually I do fight these thoughts away, forcing myself to think of something else. But not before they’ve done their damage. 

Indifference

“Indifference is the real opposite of love. To love or hate, you must care about the person. To be indifferent is far worse.” -Source Unknown

*This quote hits me hard because I am guilty of being indifferent. A defence mechanism used to keep the walls around me. I am afraid to let my guard down, to let anyone know the real me. Oh I throw bits and pieces out now and then but the real me is safe behind my walls. 

Protected Heart

In the past I’ve protected myself against falling in love by holding a part of myself in reserve. I want the other person to go first. Once upon a time I wasn’t afraid to go first, to be the person who liked the other person more. There was a time when I was able to be brave. And then I got damaged and I wouldn’t go first anymore. So I stayed aloof, kept a part of me separate and always watched the other person for signs that would let me cut and run away. It has protected me from getting hurt again. But I think it protected me from finding real love too.

Flying on Silver Wings

Something’s happening. I can feel it. I feel different roads that lead the other way.

I am moving today. Flying on silver wings to my new home, my new life, in the West. I have so many thoughts running through mind … will I find a job & how long will it take … will my cats be okay on the flight … thoughts on missing friend and family … how will I survive the terribly cold winters … lots of different thoughts. But mostly I, am excited to begin this new chapter, One Girl’s Adventures in Western Canada (non-fiction),  in my book of life.

I may not be here for a few days, depending on how long it will take to set up new Internet service. But, I’ll be back.

 Me 

L-I-F-E

If you have visited here recently you know I went on a three-week vacation to the Western part of Canada. I fell in love with the west, what the locals call Big Sky Country.

I have decided to move West.

Actually, I’ve talked about moving to  a big city since the day I could legally drive. Fate was now directly in my hands, and I could go wherever the road led.

Then things happened. Like school and a career. And life. And so for a variety of reasons, I’ve never left my little province on the East coast.

With everything that has happened in the past year I feel like my life is primed for change. I could just sit here thinking about it for the rest of my life OR I could just get up and do it.

Honestly, I don’t like moving at all. In fact, I hate it. Statistically speaking, moving is one of the most stressful life experiences most people can have, falling somewhere after death and taxes on the list of ‘Things People Really Would Like To Avoid’.

But, here I am, moving to a new Province, on the other side of this vast country, where I really don’t know the area or any of the people except a cousin and a couple of friends. I will be jobless when I arrive and that will certainly add a fair bit of stress.

It’s a scary experience but also exciting too. I read a quote somewhere (where, I am not exactly sure … someone else’s blog? An email? A motivational poster?), it said:

 Adventure is a 4-letter word spelled L-I-F-E.

I am ready for my life’s adventure. I haven’t started packing yet, but I am pretty sure it will be done by the time I have to move all of my stuff.

Western Canada I hear you calling and I am coming to you … are you ready for me?