Christmas Song

My very favourite Christmas song has long been I’ll Be Home for Christmas. Because I was kind of raised by television, I want to say the first time I heard it was not, as you might have suspected, on the beloved John Denver and the Muppets Christmas CD, but I’m pretty sure the first time I heard it was on a commercial. Folger’s, in fact. A son in the army catches a bus home, sneaks into the house, and smiles at the tree. I’ll Be Home for Christmas is playing in the background. The very thoughtful breaking-and-entering son decides to make coffee (Folger’s, wouldn’t you know it) and the mom awakens to the beautiful smell of dissolving caffeine crystals and heads downstairs with a smile, not for a moment wondering why Mr. Theif broke in AND decided to make coffee while doing so. When mom sees the son she bursts into tears and then the beautiful I’ll Be Home for Christmas disappears into: The best part of waking up….

Still. Love the song. It’s a very simple song – short, easy lyrics, easy on the ear (especially considering it was first done by Bing Crosby in 1943, and he’s got the voice of an angel).

I’ll be home for Christmas,
You can count on me.
Please have snow and mistletoe
And presents under the tree.
Christmas Eve will find me,
Where the love light gleams.
I’ll be home for Christmas,
If only in my dreams.
Christmas Eve will find me,
Where the love light gleams.
I’ll be home for Christmas,
If only in my dreams.

Sweet. Lovely. Uplifting. This song-along with O Holy Night, which I like to pretend I can sing but can’t due to the high notes. Or I should specify – I can hit the high notes, but only if I am really, really drunk. Then I’m sure I sing like Judy Garland, if Judy Garland really was a drunk.
Oh wait.

I’ll Be Home for Christmas was a song. It was an instant coffee commercial. It was Old Blue Eyes on the radio. It was something I played on an endless loop as I had an endless parade of houses I lived in and endlessly moved from.

When I moved to Alberta I thought the “Only in my dreams” part of the song would mean I’d be dreaming of Christmas in New Brunswick. As for, the “I’ll be home for Christmas”, well that part did come true. Home just happens to be in the freezing cold of northern Canada.  Christmas arrived and there’s a big tree in the living room, there were stockings and presents and a big turkey dinner. I have a home with a wonderful husband and the cats.
This year,  I was home for Christmas. It’s as simple and as complicated as that.

Hooked On Love

You got me … hook, line and sinker.

Love Is…

Having you in my life is like winning the lottery.

I Love His Texts

When he texts me saying he can’t wait to see me, I light up inside.

Weary

In the past three weeks I have flown 9579 miles for work. By the end of next week I will add another 4123 miles. Weary I am … weary of hotels, weary of living from a suitcase and weary from dining out. Travel for work is not nearly as fun as a vacation. Not fun at all.

Thankful

Many of you that have been visiting here for quite sometime know I moved across the country this summer. With the move came new friends, a new love and a new job.

It is Thanksgiving weekend here in Canada, some people will celebrate today, some celebrate will tomorrow but whatever day we choose it’s the time most of us reflect on the good things we have going for us. It’s a time to look on the bright side of life and list those things for which we are thankful. While pondering my own little list, I realise I am grateful for many things in my life, too many to even begin listing. But, I will say this … I so am thankful I decided to make that move.

Happy Thanksgiving.

Sweet and Sour

I’ll tell you a secret … I can’t say how much I really love you because it would be so sweet I would turn into a lemon.

New Love Is Like …

… the the first snowfall in winter — cool and refreshing.

A Song Says Everything

Songs sometimes have a way of saying all I want to say. So I’ll let these lyrics speak for me today.

~~~~~

I cried a tear, you wiped it dry
I was confused, you cleared my mind
I sold my soul, you bought it back for me
And held me up and gave me dignity
Somehow you needed me
 
I can’t believe it’s true
I needed you and you were there
And I’ll never leave, why should I leave
I’d be a fool
‘Cause I finally found someone who really cares

You held my hand when it was cold
When I was lost you took me home
You gave me hope when I was at the end
And turned my lies back into truth again
You even called me “friend”

You gave me strength to stand alone
To face the world out on my own
You put me high upon a pedestal
So high that I could almost see eternity
You needed me, you needed me

– Lyrics by Anne Murray

Love Is…

… like a stone falling in the water, the ripple effect goes on and on……

You Stand Out

You definitely make me feel a little more normal than perhaps I really am.

Waves of Love

“I pray to be like the ocean, with soft currents, maybe waves at times. More and more, I want the consistency rather than the highs and the lows.”

-Source Unknown

Whisper

I listen to the ocean, and it tells me things. Even in the midst of this Western city, far from the ocean of my childhood, I still hear the waves whispering to my heart more, perhaps, than I want to know.

Puppy Love

When I love, I love hard. hard. Am I in love now? I’d say yes. Have I been in love before? I’d say yes to that one as well. But it is different.

When I was say, 17, I thought I was in love. There was this guy. I cared about him very deeply. I loved him, I loved him hard.

When I look back, I know that I didn’t feel the same way about him that I do about my current love. That doesn’t necessarily mean that I didn’t love him. When people say that. “You’re 17 you’re not in love, it’s just puppy love!” It’s true … it isn’t the same. That doesn’t mean that it any lesser of a feeling. Your heart is full to the uppermost level it can be given your maturity. That’s love.

Unloved

“Now I know I’ve got a heart, because it’s breaking.”

~ Jack Haley, The Wizard of Oz

Memories

“I know you’re just a rag doll now, sewn together with memories that we might have had.

 

I know you’re just the dream inside of a dream

 

And don’t worry, I know I don’t know you, anymore.”

-Iain

Love Found

Over the past year I’ve been too stubborn, afraid of getting hurt, and unwilling to take chances. Funny how life throws a curve ball your way and it changes everything.

The idea of opening my heart to another was terrifying but after a year I was finally ready to the take on the challenge, realising the unlimited possibilites that would come from sharing my life with someone … someone who loved me back.

Everyday Love

“She wants to know you love her. That’s all anyone wants from anyone else, not the love itself but the knowledge that it’s there, like new batteries in the flashlight in the emergeny kit in the hall closet.”

– Jonathan Safran Foer

Lost Love

So true…

No Words. No Fuss.

Would you mind if I sat a while with you?
No words. No fuss.
I just want to sit in your warmth, feel your breath, and share in your light.
The crazy day keeps knocking on my door, begging me to come out from under these sheets.
But you’re too good to pass up and the day can wait.
I’m happy with you, happy enough to forget all about the clouds that were settling in just before you lit up my life, bright and sunny for the world to see.

I Am Happy

I was tired of everything. It felt like I was falling apart. I thought I had given up on love. Along with a number of events, I dug myself a hole where I seemed to lose myself in confusion.

But somehow, one night, I was found by this beautiful person, with a heart of an angel. The first night we talked uninterruptedly for hours, and we continued to talk the next day and the next and the next… we continued to talk. We spoke with words and looks and smiles.
 
He took my hand as he walked with me; I smiled all night long. Before I knew it, time passed and I am where I am today.

There’s so much more of this story but its just details. What matters is that these weeks, these months, have given me hope, a light to count on. I know for sure that my heart lies in his hands; I’m not afraid. His eyes tell me that nothing can go wrong. His heart tells me I am happiness. His words are nothing but the truth.

I know now, for sure, that there are saviours in this world. They may be rare, but they are there.

He is amazing. I am happy. 

Inevitability

Can you really ever be friends with someone from the opposite sex? Is it inevitable that one will fall for the other? Is it human nature to fall in love with one of your friends?

Time Changes Everything

When was the last time you really crossed my mind? I can’t remember your smile. Nor can I recall your face with perfect clarity. That cologne you used to wear, I can’t recall the smell anymore. I don’t look for your car when I’m driving and my heart doesn’t skip a beat when I do. Time has changed everything. I’ve finally moved on.

Battlefield

 

“After a break-up, certain streets, locations, even times of day are off-limits. The city becomes a deserted battlefield, loaded with emotional landmines. You have to be very careful where you step or you could be blown to pieces.”

– Sex & The City

The Journey

No relationship is ever a failure if you manage to learn something about yourself. Just because it didn’t work out doesn’t mean it wasn’t a necessary part of your journey to becoming who you’re meant to be.

Heartache

Most of us have been in a relationship that has turned sour and my guess is we’ve all felt the hurt that comes with that.

We feel miserable, depressed, and lonely. How do you move on from the heartache? It’s not easy, but it is do-able.

A good friend told me:

“It is not the end of the world. You are still going to wake up tomorrow and eat your bagel just like the day before and the day before that. Life is not over. You are still you and no one can take that away from you.”

She was right. 

Love The Little Things

There are little things about everyone that I love. Generally, I think that this makes me a better person. I try hard to appreciate something in everyone.

The part where I always get into trouble is when I actually do fall in love with someone. Sometimes I have a hard time differentiating my everyday love from my I-want-to-be-with-you-everyday love.

Sleepless Nights

I have been doing a lot of thinking in the recent weeks. The kind of thinking that takes place when the night is at its darkest and those thoughts seem so loud in the silence, so loud that they chase sleep away.

There is the never-ending stream of memories I would rather forget. I think about how my heart has been stretched, squeezed and popped so many times that it’s a wonder it is still beating.

I think about how everything around me is changing and sometimes all those changes are too much for the heart to handle. Sometimes it’s too easy to get lost in these thoughts.

Eventually I do fight these thoughts away, forcing myself to think of something else. But not before they’ve done their damage. 

Another Time

“Is it too much to ask for magic? Am I too old to be expecting butterflies anymore? Have I lost the innocence and naivety needed to feel infatuation again? As I lie in bed next to Mr. Perfectforme, I inevitably feel the sneaking snake of doubt come creeping into my mind. I feel guilt for feeling doubt because I should be letting myself go, falling in love, head spinning. But I’m not. I’m thinking of dishes in the sink, presents to be wrapped, e-mails to reply to. When I roll over and see his amazing baby blues staring at me, I don’t get flutters and flickers. Instead, my mind floats back to another time, another place, another set of arms which, when wrapped among, gave me the flutters and flickers. I miss those arms and those feelings. I would give anything to have one more night in those arms, the butterflies flying crazy inside of me.”

– Susan

Something

I want something to happen. Something that will make me believe again. Something that will make me want to put my heart out there again. Something that will make me want to learn to say “I love you” again.

The Mystery Of Love

I’ve been thinking about love and what a mystery it is. Why do we fall in love? Why with X rather than Y? Why do some relationships fail so quickly while others last a lifetime?

Therapists and scientists and writers are constantly looking for the secret of love and its seeming unpredictability but they’re still as baffled as ever. Cupid is a capricious little thing and her arrows land in the oddest places.

We fall in love and fall out of love. Why? There are as many reasons as there are people. But an astonishing number of couples split up for no other reason than boredom – they’ve just got nothing to say to each other any more. And I find that sad. 

Indifference

“Indifference is the real opposite of love. To love or hate, you must care about the person. To be indifferent is far worse.” -Source Unknown

*This quote hits me hard because I am guilty of being indifferent. A defence mechanism used to keep the walls around me. I am afraid to let my guard down, to let anyone know the real me. Oh I throw bits and pieces out now and then but the real me is safe behind my walls. 

Words of Love

I like my body when it is with your body. It is so quite new a thing.
Muscles better and nerves more. I like your body. I like what it does, I like its hows. I like to feel the spine of your body and its bones, and the trembling-firm-smoothness and which I will again and again and again kiss, I like kissing this and that of you, I like, slowly stroking the, shocking fuzz of your electric fur, and what-is-it comes over parting flesh . . . And eyes big love-crumbs, and possibly I like the thrill of under me you so quite new.

I wish I could take credit but, alas, these incredible words are from the great E.E. Cummings. 

 

 

Protected Heart

In the past I’ve protected myself against falling in love by holding a part of myself in reserve. I want the other person to go first. Once upon a time I wasn’t afraid to go first, to be the person who liked the other person more. There was a time when I was able to be brave. And then I got damaged and I wouldn’t go first anymore. So I stayed aloof, kept a part of me separate and always watched the other person for signs that would let me cut and run away. It has protected me from getting hurt again. But I think it protected me from finding real love too.

What I Fear

I’ve spent my life feeling like someone who was on the move. An itch would get under my skin and inflame the hairs up and down my arms, tingling through the back of my neck. Little imperfections in my environment would become huge gaping holes propelling me to go, to move, to change for the sake of change. I always – always – saw an ending for me that was somewhere alone. It’s cheesy but true – my ending in my mind was always me, living alone, with a couple of cats. I wasn’t afraid of commitment … I was afraid of abandonment. Love to me was always something you left before it left you. End of story.

But my story has changed now. Life has changed that for me. Love has changed that for me.

Life is an open question now, one that I stare at a great deal – surprised that I get to have a life I never thought I would, never thought I could. Every single day is a surprise because nothing is the way I once suspected it would be.

Right now it’s about determining how to let go of how I always saw the end and allowing life to take me where I’m meant to be. With who I’m meant to be with.

That Kind of Man

Every girl needs a man … the kind that will treat you right as well as others; the kind that has respect for himself, family & others. The kind that searches for you with his heart; the kind that can be trusted alone with a room full of many other beautiful ladies; the kind that will never cheat on you cause he knows he’s got all he wants and needs already. The kind of man that wants to be your friend. The kind that doesn’t mind calling you early in the morning to say good morning and late at night to say good night; the kind that will do anything for you, even if it’s just to buy your favourite kind of candy. One that calls you just to tell you that he loves you and misses you a lot. The kind that appreciates you for the things you do for him, even if they’re little. The kind that is willing to wait for you when you’re falling behind, the kind that will actually open the door for you, take you out on dates once in a while and buy you flowers cause it’s a Wednesday. The kind that reminds you that he loves you and that he’s happy with you in case you forget, the kind that just doesn’t want kisses but hugs too. The kind that calls you “beautiful” sometimes not just “hot.” The kind that kisses your forehead when you’re down, the kind that will go through thick & thin for and with you.

The kind that just loves you just for who you are.

– Source Unknown

Without You

I’m a picture without a frame.
A poem without a rhyme.
A car with three wheels.
A sun without fire.
I am a gun without bullets.
I am the truth without someone to hear it.
I am a feeling without someone to feel it.
This is who I am.
A mess without you.
Something beautiful with you.

-Iain

Love Is …

… like a love song.
In my heart is written your name.  
Life is strange 
Yesterday, I didn’t know you 
And now, you are always in my thoughts.
Never I will let you go. 
Never, I promise because you are
the one I waited for singing the song of my life.

-Gene

I’m Fine Without You

I don’t need you to smile anymore; I can smile on my own,
I don’t need you to feel loved; I’d rather be alone.
I don’t need you to laugh, because here I am laughing,
I don’t need you to live, I don’t see me dying.

Thought I couldn’t be without you, but I’m fine,
I don’t need you anymore to be mine.
I don’t need to cry over the times apart,
I’m fine without you; I’ve taken back my heart.

– Source Unknown 

Don’t Stay Lonely

I can honestly say there is nothing more wonderful than having someone to love and the feeling of being loved in return. Our hearts may have been broken but we all learn how to fly again, soar high and to be brave, not fearing anything. We began to see the beauty in the world and there is so much joy in life… unless we stop hoping for love.

You Want

You want to be the last person he thinks about before he falls asleep. You want to be his first thought when he wakes up. You want to be the one he texts or calls when he’s bored. You want to take cute pictures with him, put them on Facebook or Myspace and show how happy and cute you are together. You want to make your ex think: “What the f*ck did I do?” You want him to hold you tight, never let go… and never hurt you like the one before him did.

Boundaries

“At some point you have to make a decision. Boundaries don’t keep other people out – they fence you in.

So, you can waste your life drawing lines OR you can live your life by crossing them.”

– Source Unknown

Broken

Nobody really ever knows how much anybody else is hurting.

We could be standing next to somebody who is completely broken and we wouldn’t even know.

Love Disaster

If you never met me, I wouldn’t be going through this. But since you met me, I’ve changed for the better.

So is knowing you a disaster or a blessing? I guess it has done the bad and the good, because when I met you, I fell in love. You led me to the highest of heavens then you led me to the depths of hell. You brought me love and happiness then you brought me sadness and despair.

You showed me care with love and you showed me ignorance with annoyance. You said ” Please give me a chance “ and then you said ” Just give it up”.

What do you expect? For me to endure all this? All this hurt, pain and cruelty? All this Disaster? No. I won’t even glance at you with my eyes. I will only walk away with a cold heart.

Because you taught me how to ‘ IGNORE YOU ‘
Because you taught me how to ‘ GIVE UP ON YOU ‘
Because you taught me how to ‘ TREAT YOU A LIKE STRANGER ‘
Because you taught me how to ‘ BE ANNOYED BY YOU ‘ 

– Source Unknown

He Will…

A friend sent this to me in an email and I thought it was too funny not to share.

A real man is a woman’s best friend. He will never stand her up and never let her down. He will reassure her when she feels insecure and comfort her after a bad day. He will inspire her to do things she never thought she could do, to live without fear and forget regret. He will enable her to express her deepest emotions and give in to her most intimate desires. He will make sure she always feels as though she’s the most beautiful woman in the room and will enable her to be confident, sexy, seductive, and invincible.

No wait … sorry … I’m thinking of wine. Never mind.

Convincing Myself

The hardest thing in the world is convincing myself I don’t care, when in all actuality, I know that deep inside I really do.

It’s hard to get over people, I mean really get over them. You can start to have feelings for other people, but it doesn’t mean you’re over them, it just means you’re moving on.

Happy Birthday Canada!

You’ve come along way in 143 years.   

 

Hiding From Love

“Maybe you’re just afraid that someone might actually want be with you. Because then you couldn’t hide anymore; you’d be out there taking a risk on something that may or may not work and that’s not good enough for you, is it?

I’ll tell you something: love is never 100% positive. You can’t fall unless you take that risk; and if you don’t take that risk, you’ll be hiding forever.”

– Source Unknown

Love Cuts

“You should tell them the truth. Tell them that if they hold on too tightly, love might cut them. Tell them to hold on tightly anyway. Tell them everything is worth it and that the richness of life is only ever enhanced by its inevitable, brief flashes of sadness and loss.”

– Iain

Love Is a Lie

I don’t believe in love anymore. I once was love’s biggest fan. I loved love. I believed in love at first sight, true love, soul mates and all that mushy-gushy stuff the best songs and books are written about. It’s what every little girl dreams about. One day my prince will come … blah blah blah. I used to believe in love. I was in love – I’m talking head over heals, stars in your eyes in L-O-V-E. I loved you with all my heart even though I knew you weren’t the perfect one for me. Then we broke up and the emails came saying it had all been a lie. A lie? Almost three years was a lie? What should I be more upset about my broken dreams and broken heart or the fact that I fell for it? Only fools fall in love and love played me like a fiddle. So I don’t believe in love anymore. Because if you don’t believe in love there is nothing to cry about and I don’t have any more tears to cry.

– Source Unknown